Thursday, July 24, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
This ebay auction was sent to me by a fellow stumbler. It really made my afternoon, and I felt like sharing.
Ebay auctions seem to disappear after a while, so I thought I'd put the item description here (my comments are in italics). If you have any other interesting uses, let me know!
This auction is for a lot of 30 ceramic statues that, from the front, all look like a man wearing a hooded robe but from the back looks distinctly like an erect penis. 18 are painted and glazed: 6 blue, 6 white, and 6 green. 12 are gold and unglazed. They are all approximately 8 inches tall and 6 inches around. They are hollow and are unfinished ceramic on the inside with a hole on the bottom end. Some of the glazed statues show signs of spider web like cracks under the surface of the glaze, it is unknown if this was intentional or due to age. All have been meticulously cleaned. It is our guess that they were made in the mid to late 60's because of the date on the paper they were stored in.
What are they?
- Innocent folk art? I'm sure the artist did not notice any resemblance... in fact, if you do, you probably just have a dirty mind!
- Fertility statues?
- The first stage of a practical joke?
Who are they?
- Brad Pitt?
- Ghengis Khan?
Where did they come from and why did an old man have them hidden in his house for years? (Our research has turned up no other statues like them)
- Home art project?
- The creation of a creative hippie?
- The beginnings of an erotic collection?
Suggested uses include:
- Bachelorette party decorations
- Drill holes in the tops for interesting DIY salt and pepper shakers
- Celebrate the Hounen festival (the Japanese penis festival) at home! (Which is March 15th in case you were wondering.)
- The perfect gift for the person who has everything. (Because I doubt they have one of these)
- A wonderful addition to your lawn gnome collection!
- Call them fertility statues and give them to all the women you know
- Dress them up as soldiers and play army men with them
- Try to donate some to an art museum, call them your take on the modern man. And then look at the person funny when they try to suggest that it looks like a certain body part.
- Ideal Secret Santa Gift
- Can be a great conversation starter about interesting stuff on eBay.
- Teach sex education at home and watch as your kids run in fear.
- Perfect birthday gift for grandma (or your pastor...)
- Keep them hidden for your entire life, put them in your will, and live your life knowing that you plan to make all your friends and family divvy them up after you die.
- Adorn your workspace with them. Everyone loves their cubicle bling.
- Sex therapists and instructors could use them as models.
- Add them to your phallic chess piece collection
- Use them as prizes at your next party game night!
...and many more!!!
(Note: Not recommended for internal use.) (Awww, shucks!)
The Back story:
You may be wondering how I found myself the proud owner of 30 ceramic penises, don't worry, you're not alone. As it happened my parents bought a house from the daughter of a crazy old collector. While cleaning out the trash and odds and ends left in the house I discovered a small door leading to a crawl space behind the washer and dryer. Inside I found an old box tucked in the back corner, covered in dust, and filled with news paper from 1968. And wrapped in the news paper I found a bunch of little men that when you turned them around look like penises. After much discussion about what to do with a box full of penis-men my dad said that I could put them on eBay and put the money I make towards finishing my college education. This, of course, was his idea of a joke because as he said "who in their right mind would give someone money for a box full of ceramic penises?" But I believe that there is a market for everything and that market is eBay.
Largest Dimension: Less than 12"
Date of Creation: Unknown
Medium: Ceramic/Porcelain Subject: Figures/Nudes
Weirdness : Really Weird
Type : ceramic art
Subject Area :penis art
Item Type : reversible statues
Friday, May 30, 2008
For those of you who left your secret decoder rings back in your childhood, I will type this up (I will attempt to sharpen this sometime in the future, when I have access to photoshop or something like it). I am getting rid of the all-CAPS though... I don't want to feel like a teenage forum flamer...
HEALTH TIPS FOR THE LADIES BATHROOM
1. Seat covers provided are to be used on the toilet seats
2. Seat covers prevent urine from being on the seats, wipe up after yourself
3. Seat covers mean there is no need to squat on the toilet seats
4. Using your feet to flush the toilet will eventually lead to the flusher being broken hence VANDALISM. Use toilet paper to hold the flusher
5. Take a last look in the bowl before leaving the cubicle (Cubicle??)
6. Ensure that your hair is not left in the sink. Use the paper towels provided to remove it
7. Make proper use of the sanitary napkin disposals provided in the cubicles
Is this a reflection of what your homes are like?
We have provided you with all the sanitary conveniences. How much does it take for you to clean up and pick up after yourselves?
If you follow the above seven points this will ensure a much more pleasant experience in the bathroom for all concerned.
Also, this is the sign hanging above the sanitary napkin disposals. I can't say I approve of the underlining. I don't know why any of that should be underlined, but if you MUST underline a word in each of those sentences, should you not choose "respect" and "clean"? I can't figure out what rule of English this betrays, and the first person to point it out gets a cookie.
Also (part 2)- Does this make anyone else have to use the washroom? I think I'm off... have a good weekend everybody!
Monday, May 26, 2008
I was just told that a co-worker of mine was in a commercial. I've watched it over 5 times already, and I laugh out loud (literally) each time! (He's the one with the feathers)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I'm back from the cottage, and it was fun. Yes, it hailed and snowed insanely, and yes, I feel like I narrowly escaped death at least twice during the dangerous drive up, but... fun.
The vacation afterglow is starting to wear out, unfortunately. I was really happy for a while though. One of my best friends, and definitely my best coworker, is out of town. And I would really like a hug.
After a crummy commute, the subway musician guy was a violinist playing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Absolutely beautifully. And to one of my readers, this made me think of you... :)
And the last tangential blurb will be the "links of the moment". I stumbled a lot yesterday, and got a bunch of fun replies. I will share some choice cuts:
You know what's fun? Like really really fun? when you restore a firefox session, with 3+ windows each with 10+ tabs, and ONE of them is this one. Enjoy.
"I love pie chart humor. This is almost as good as the classic Pac Man chart.
"I know what you mean, this appeals to my vestigial nerd. - here.
This loosely lego-related link generated the following:
" My company creates software that models risks to insured properties due to hurricanes, earthquakes, etc. I think I'll propose that we create a new Lego model.
"You should consider katamari insurance while you're at it.. you never know when the master of the universe will need large amounts of insured things to be rolled up and compressed into a star...
Saturday, May 3, 2008
But I have been keeping busy. Here are some highlight of my hiatus.
- Watched Ironman, the pre-screening, with about 10 other people. I want to be Tony Stark. Not because of the infinite money he's got (yes, that must be nice) but that he can build anything, and is motivated and intelligent enough to invent.
- I have been wanting to build a robot. I'm looking at some websites, but I'm not really sure what exactly I want to make and where to start and all that. I am regretting not joining the robotics club at uni... I didn't think I had enough time with all my courses :( I'm sure I will flesh this out sometime in a blog post about why you shouldn't let such learning interfere with your education.
- We had departmental Idol at work... a fun karaoke competition. I helped a bit with organization. And of course I performed. Unfortunately my team picked an Abba song I'd from before I was born. I'm debating whether to post the videos here... It was a pretty great turn out, over a hundred people crammed into our little lunchroom/meeting room area.
- Apparently, I'm allergic to strawberries. Also, Benadryl + alcohol = ...unforgettable :P
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Well, I've been reading blogs... probably since the term blog was coined. So here is the requisite "Hello World" posting.
I've been meaning to start a blog for a while now, but it never seemed to be the right time. I remember planning to do one during my year long internship in
But still, I would say to myself, I don't have the time to blog. 20 minutes a day? I'm way too young for that kind of commitment! I supported servers, and had a weird ever-changing work schedule. But after a killer week of night shift (during month-end hell, no less), I got an internal transfer into your typical 9-5. And suddenly, I’ve traded my previously easy commute and overtime hours for some extra time on evenings and weekends.
What am I doing with all my extra time? Well, after the shock of normalcy started to wear off, and I decided that I was stumbling and Puzzle Questing a bit too much, I started attempting to jog and bike, a couple of evenings a week. I’m getting back into touch with friends. And I’ve just started to take Spanish lessons. There’s a lot of other stuff I want to add to my plate, and I’m also open to suggestions. What I’m saying is this: I feel that I can commit the 20 minutes a day.
So instead of making excuses not to blog, I started to find excuses to start blogging. I think it's appropriate to put them here, blog about blogs... so here it is: my "meta-blog" entry on the benefits of blogging
- It forces me to think. Reflect on my day, and put some of my more interesting life stories into written form.
- It will help me keep in with friends
- It will help me with my spelling and grammar. I’ve been chatting way too much, and while saying “LOL” is fine and dandy when someone expects instant responses, writing out full sentences feels like a welcome brain massage.
- Blogging is a great outlet for many things. The title “Cyber-catharsis” comes from this article, which tells us that many bloggers consider their personal blogs as a form of therapy.
- Blogging feels social. Whether or not this is true is definitely up for debate. But you’re reading the opinions of someone who thinks that the radio is more social than listening to CDs (because you’re listening to the same thing as other people) and solitaire is social when someone is sitting next to you playing it as well.
So here begins my entry into the collective cyber-consciousness. Please stay tuned.