Wednesday, June 18, 2008

hilarious/intriguing ebay auction

This ebay auction was sent to me by a fellow stumbler. It really made my afternoon, and I felt like sharing.

Ebay auctions seem to disappear after a while, so I thought I'd put the item description here (my comments are in italics). If you have any other interesting uses, let me know!

Physical Description:
This auction is for a lot of 30 ceramic statues that, from the front, all look like a man wearing a hooded robe but from the back looks distinctly like an erect penis. 18 are painted and glazed: 6 blue, 6 white, and 6 green. 12 are gold and unglazed. They are all approximately 8 inches tall and 6 inches around. They are hollow and are unfinished ceramic on the inside with a hole on the bottom end. Some of the glazed statues show signs of spider web like cracks under the surface of the glaze, it is unknown if this was intentional or due to age. All have been meticulously cleaned. It is our guess that they were made in the mid to late 60's because of the date on the paper they were stored in.

What are they?

- Innocent folk art? I'm sure the artist did not notice any resemblance... in fact, if you do, you probably just have a dirty mind!
- Fertility statues?
- The first stage of a practical joke?

Who are they?
- Jesus?
- Santa?
- Wizard?
- Freud?
- Brad Pitt?
- Ghengis Khan?

Where did they come from and why did an old man have them hidden in his house for years? (Our research has turned up no other statues like them)
- Home art project?
- The creation of a creative hippie?
- The beginnings of an erotic collection?

Nobody knows!!!

Suggested uses include:
- Bachelorette party decorations
- Drill holes in the tops for interesting DIY salt and pepper shakers
- Celebrate the Hounen festival (the Japanese penis festival) at home! (Which is March 15th in case you were wondering.)
- The perfect gift for the person who has everything. (Because I doubt they have one of these)
- A wonderful addition to your lawn gnome collection!
- Call them fertility statues and give them to all the women you know
- Dress them up as soldiers and play army men with them
- Try to donate some to an art museum, call them your take on the modern man. And then look at the person funny when they try to suggest that it looks like a certain body part.
- Ideal Secret Santa Gift
- Can be a great conversation starter about interesting stuff on eBay.
- Teach sex education at home and watch as your kids run in fear.
- Perfect birthday gift for grandma (or your pastor...)
- Keep them hidden for your entire life, put them in your will, and live your life knowing that you plan to make all your friends and family divvy them up after you die.
- Adorn your workspace with them. Everyone loves their cubicle bling.
- Sex therapists and instructors could use them as models.
- Add them to your phallic chess piece collection
- Use them as prizes at your next party game night!
...and many more!!!
(Note: Not recommended for internal use.) (Awww, shucks!)

The Back story:
You may be wondering how I found myself the proud owner of 30 ceramic penises, don't worry, you're not alone. As it happened my parents bought a house from the daughter of a crazy old collector. While cleaning out the trash and odds and ends left in the house I discovered a small door leading to a crawl space behind the washer and dryer. Inside I found an old box tucked in the back corner, covered in dust, and filled with news paper from 1968. And wrapped in the news paper I found a bunch of little men that when you turned them around look like penises. After much discussion about what to do with a box full of penis-men my dad said that I could put them on eBay and put the money I make towards finishing my college education. This, of course, was his idea of a joke because as he said "who in their right mind would give someone money for a box full of ceramic penises?" But I believe that there is a market for everything and that market is eBay.

Largest Dimension: Less than 12"
Date of Creation: Unknown
Medium: Ceramic/Porcelain Subject: Figures/Nudes
Weirdness : Really Weird
Type : ceramic art
Subject Area :penis art
Item Type : reversible statues


jlikes03 said... dad was cleaning out my grandmas old house, his childhood home and we came across some of these. They were his and I brought them to college to show my roommates...they laughed but one of my careless roomies actually broke one. I would love to replace it just because they were from my dad!

pea said...

ohhhhhhhh man... ok, here's my story. several years ago i found a SOLID BRASS one of these penis wizards at a garage sale. of course i bought it. it weighs 4.5 pounds. i kept it in my living room for a few years. then, since i'm a long-distance hiker, i decided that the wizard should be carried on the back of some hikers on the pacific crest trail. trust me, this is a hilarious idea to long distance hikers- carrying a useless 4.5 pound phallus on a 2600 mile walk. anyway, i digress. the wizard not only traversed the length of the PCT, but the following year it was carried on the appalachian trail. next up is the continental divide trail. this little wizard has quite a following now, with his own facebook group that has 150 members. officially he's known among hikers as the "bad wizard."

ok ok ok... fast forward to today, when i found two of the larger ceramic versions at another garage sale!! i couldn't believe it at first, but soon realized that this was a probably a mold that you could buy to make as many of these as you want. of course i bought them. and of course i did a bit more poking around on the net to see if i could find out any more info about this mold, leading me to this blog post. AMAZING! can't believe i missed that ebay auction, but who knew? all i know is, i could have made ALOT of hikers happy with their own personal penis wizard to take home as a souvenir.

ok, i'm rambling, but i hope i can find more of this guy (or even an original mold) somewhere, sometime...

Carl said...

i was doing scrap meatel at some old dudes hose i have one but its a iron one and ways about 15 pounds i would like to find out more on it but dont know where to look can u help it looks just like the ceramic ones in the pictures please email me back if u have any info aaaaat carl.thompson32@yahoo.con

ExistentialElevator said...

Hey, sorry I couldn't be of more help to you, she sold them, and doesn't have the molds. PS, I need to blog more and am glad that you guys enjoyed my post :)